Failure and Rejection

I have an irrational fear of failure. When it comes time for me to try something new or put myself out into the world, I feel this rising anxiety that freezes me in my tracks. It makes no sense. On an intellectual level, I know that failure is good. We learn more from our failures than our successes. We never know quite how much we can achieve until we reach the point of failure. I have a philosophy that my goals in life should be divided into achievable smaller goals that work towards some larger unattainable goal. That way no matter how much I achieve, there never comes a point where I have no plan. I kind of think there's nothing worse for a person's development than reaching a point where they think they've achieved everything they've ever wanted. Human beings need a purpose.

However, my problem is that I can't even get started on my smaller goals. I'm a good writer. People who are professional writers have told me this. Some of them have even offered me opportunities to publish things I've written. Yet the thought of sending out writing proposals to editors terrifies me. I would rather do anything else. So I started my own website.

Which brings us to my second irrational fear - rejection. Now anyone with free access to the internet can find my writing. Yet instead of advertising it widely, I've relegated notifications to a small, voluntary group on Facebook. I'm not afraid of people disagreeing with me. I always welcome discussion and criticism. As a writer, these are essential for my development. No, my fear is of indifference and apathy, that no one cares. By limiting my audience, I have a built-in excuse when something I write elicits little or no reaction. I know this is not fair, to me or my audience. I read articles or watch videos all the time that I enjoy, but don't "like" or comment on. The internet amplifies the negative and downplays the positive. It's something a writer has to live with.

Anyway, I'm starting a new journalism class in January. So for the first three weeks of the year you may not see or hear from me much. But once I'm done, I'm sure to have some great new writing. If you care at all, please pressure me into sending it out into the world, even if you can sense I'm getting uncomfortable, especially if I'm getting uncomfortable. I need the push. At the same time, don't do anything you're uncomfortable with. But I, for one, need to get comfortable with discomfort.