Control

As human beings, we have very little control over what goes on around us. We are subject to the laws of nature and the whims of man. Much of what we do is dictated by circumstance, and luck plays a far greater role in our lives than many of us want to admit. Life throws things at us and we have to react as best we can. And sometimes it seems like we don't have much choice. If a boulder is rolling down a hill towards us, we have to move out of the way or get crushed.

While we don't really have a choice to get out of the way, we can control how we get out of the way. We can flail and run away, or we can calmly step to the side and watch the boulder pass. If we keep our wits, sometimes we'll see the boulder is really a pebble and can reach out our hand to stop it. And sometimes we'll see that the boulder is heading towards other people, and choose to stand in its way and hope enough other people do the same so we can stop it together.

Which is to say, it is better to be proactive than to react. When we react instinctually, we are essentially ceding what little control over events that we do have. I believe this is especially important in how we interact with others. If people know how you are going to react in certain circumstances, they can effectively control you. If I do A, then you will do B. At that point, you're nothing more than a computer running a program.

The question I ask myself is, "What kind of person do I want to be?" And then I don't let what other people do stop me from being that person. If I treat others with respect, it is not because they deserve to treated with respect, it is because I deserve to be the kind person who treats others with respect. I won't pretend this is easy to do. As a mortal human being it may prove impossible. But I've always believed in having impossible goals.

But this raises the question of how to deal with others who behave in ways we object to. There are obviously circumstances in which the actions of certain individuals must be stopped. Those who would harm others must not be allowed to do so. Don't they deserve to be treated differently than others? But (much like the boulder heading towards us), the question is not whether or not we stop them (get out of the way), but how we do so. As I've written previously, justice should not be about punishment, but protection, restoration, and rehabilitation.

Treating others according to what they "deserve" only furthers cycles of fear and division. Once someone has done something we disapprove of, we may label them as a "bad" person. It's tempting to say that it's okay to treat "bad" people worse than other people. This is the danger of labeling people. The moment we treat someone based on who they are instead of what they've done, we are discriminating. Bad behavior must be opposed no matter who commits it. If two people commit the same act, but one has been previously labeled "good" and the other "bad", often the "good" person will get off easier than the "bad" person. (Obviously, if someone has a history of bad behavior it can be justified to take additional action to prevent them from doing so again in the future as they have proven to be a greater danger to society. I'm only talking about people with similar histories.) 

The problem is that the labels we use for people are often just shorthand for whether we like them or not or whether we belong to the same group. Therefore labels are very dangerous in the hands of the powerful. Just replace "good" and "bad" with "white" and "black" or "male" and "female" (since, unfortunately, there are still too many people in power who already do so), and it should become apparent how this idea of treating people according to what they deserve is in fact a method of furthering oppression. At the same time, labels must be acknowledged. Saying you are "color-blind", for instance, merely means that you are turning a blind eye to racial oppression.

Labeling people is easy. Seeing them for who they really are is not. But this brings us back to the idea of control. When we look at a person, our first reaction - our instincts - is to label them according to what we see, and thus ceding control of how we will interact with them. Therefore, fighting through those instincts, getting to know people and empathizing with them, is an act of taking control. When we encounter people on our own terms, acting according to our own code of conduct, we minimize the influence they have over us. Then we gain the freedom to do what's necessary to change the world for the better.