Moral Comfort

No one likes being uncomfortable. More or less by definition. People will go to great lengths to comfort themselves when they are confronted with conditions they don't like. If we're cold, we grab a blanket. If our roommates give our dishes in the kitchen sink a side-eye glance, we wash them. And if we feel guilty, we may shift our entire worldview so that we believe our actions were actually justified. What is a sink for, if not for dirty dishes? Or we can go the other way - I feel guilty, I didn't do my dishes, I must actually be a horrible person.

I think that it's important to remember that we view the world not as it is, but in such a way that it is compatible with our pre-conceived notions of it. This is one of the reasons human beings are so resistant to change. Few things make us more uncomfortable than when we start to realize the world doesn't work the way we always thought it did. We will scratch and claw to hold onto our old views no matter how much evidence starts piling up against them.

This is probably most true when it comes to matters of morality. Many people have strong views about what is right and what is wrong. And they have no problem passing judgement on those who behave in a way they believe is wrong. Saying what we always say is easy. It's comfortable.

However, changing our minds, especially on moral issues, comes at a high cost. We risk alienating friends and family who shared our old views, being called a hypocrite, and feeling guilty if we believe our previous views led us to harm to someone else. It's very uncomfortable.

I believe this is important to remember when we are trying to change someone's mind on a controversial issue. It's not so much proving that we are right as it is making the other person comfortable with our point of view.

On the other hand, if we are trying to influence other's actions, it can be useful to make them uncomfortable so that they act the way we want them to. It may sound manipulative, but many of us do it all the time. Every time parents let their children know they are disappointed with them, that is precisely what they are doing. Remind a person of their guilt and they may act to remedy the situation. Or they may act just so they don't have to deal with the problem anymore. This is how protests and activism work - if you make enough of a stink, people might give you what you want just to shut you up - because you are making them uncomfortable.

So now I am uncomfortable with the idea of being comfortable. When we are comfortable with our views, we stop asking questions. When we stop asking questions, we stop learning. And there is always something more than we can learn, especially from one another. We need to constantly question what we believe if we are to find the limits of our understanding. This is an uncomfortable process. This is good.